A little Tee Hee for a winter day.

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These made me laugh out loud. Enjoy.

BIG EVENTS BEFORE CHRIST

- 3050 B.C. - A Sumerian invents the wheel. Within a week, the idea is stolen and duplicated by other Sumerians, thus inventing the first business code of ethics.
- 2900 B.C.- Egyptians create the Sphinx and several other modern construction miracles. Pundits christen it all one big pyramid scheme.
- 1850 B.C. - Britons announce Operation Stonehenge a success after randomly placing stone slabs into a sufficiently meaningless pattern, thus securing centuries of employment for European historians.
- 1785 B.C. - First calendar introduced by Babylonian scientists.
- 1784 B.C. - Calendar concept tweaked after Babylonians experience winter in July.
- 776 B.C. - World's first known use of money occurs in Persia. The following day sees the world's first known use of counterfeit money.
- 525 B.C. - The first Olympics are held in Greece. Turkey enters a six footer with a moustache in women's shot put event.
- 410 B.C. - Rome ends the practice of enslaving debtors, removing single biggest obstacle to development of the credit card.
- 404 B.C. - The Peloponnesian War enters its 27th year because neither side can find a treaty writer who can spell "Peloponnesian."
- 214 B.C. - Tens of thousands of Chinese people complete the 1,500-mile long Great Wall. Neighbor's dog still gets through.
- 1 B.C. - Calendar manufacturers argue over what to call the next year. ~~~~~

Science Exam Results

- Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
- Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
- Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
- Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (brilliant, love this!)
A: Keep it in the cow.
- Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon , and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
- Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
- Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
- Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
- Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
- Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.g., abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.
- Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
- Q: What does 'varicose' mean? (I do love this one...)
A: Nearby.
- Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarian Section.'
A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome.
- Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Tee hee. Thanks to my friend Caroline for these.
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